On Looking for a Job (Updated for 2020. Original lost in a fire or something)

Surprisingly, I am gainfully employed and have been for a number of years (that number is  6 9 concurrently but rises to approximately 15 18 in total. Wow, that's depressing) and I haven't bothered to look for a new job in the last 5 years because I am lazy and tend to stick with the status quo. And then I don't.
Every few years or so I shake my life like a snow-globe of frustration and this year the "career" category won. So here we are, applying for jobs and writing applications and updating my CV and what a fine CV it is. Not really. Although I did convert mine to .pdf to show how savvy my computer skills are. I also have words and phrases like "professional administrator" (as though one could be an amateur administrator) and "empathetic listening skills" like I am a mature human being with skills and shit. I mean, really? You've met me. Or maybe you haven't. Trust me. I might sound like I'm being all humble and hilarious. This is genuinely just the way I think things are. Anyway, I've decided to write about this episode of my life as I have a job interview this week so...

Can somebody please explain the point of having to complete an application form only to be asked to also upload a CV that contains the exact same information as previously provided on said application form? OK, so I changed up the words etc. but the information is fundamentally still the same. It still has my work experience on it and other words like 'professional' and 'capable' and 'uses own initiative' and 'team-player'.  other words. I don't have 'team player' on my CV... I used fancier words. I ain't stupid.

How does one gain experience if one does not have the experience?
This has confused people of all ages and has been discussed extensively and I have nothing new to say on the matter but, seriously??? Come. ON. (this was the reason I didn't get the last job I interviewed for.)

Feedback is super important and you should always ask for it if you were not successful but, that last interview's feedback was:
You were great at interview, you're very personable and we liked you a lot. You were the most exceptional at presenting yourself and you are very friendly and charming. But your Excel skills are not the best and you have no data analysis experience. -note: I really liked the person giving the feedback and she was very optimistic about my chances at an upcoming job so I am not complaining here and I agree with her but my point is still valid.
How am I supposed to get this data analysis experience exactly? HUH?
I don't want to analyse data but still.

One of the first hurdles I encountered in my (neverending?) job search was that I don't really know what job I want to do. My current role doesn't really exist in the same way in other places and I want a pay-rise so I can't just do what I do now somewhere else and get paid more... so my advice is to figure out what to apply for.

Update: I did not get the job. So maybe don't listen to me at all.