On (very) Minor Frustrations and their impact

I'm (still) working from home. That's fine. It's OK. I'm dealing well with the insanity that this is causing. Slow IT, video conferencing with my "team", daily updates, daily emails talking of "coping at this unprecedented time", email sign offs of "stay safe" (I think that's just a given, isn't it? Pandemic or not.) and utilising space to the max in such a small flat... I'm dealing with all of this well. 
So, what's the issue? Well, my current set up is a laptop with a separate keyboard (because that's better) and a wireless mouse. Except, my wireless mouse stopped working yesterday and I am now awaiting a delivery of a new one. Which means that I am trying to use the track pad on the laptop but combining pdf files (which is awkward enough already) has driven me to a complete standstill. 

Listen, I know I can be the most procrastinating punk at the best of times but it's just any teeny, tiny, minor obstacle becomes insurmountable in these unprecedented times. And all of this to a soundtrack of "ping", "bing", "bong", and other computer noises alerting me to emails, chat messages and reminders... who would have predicted that the death of one (1) computer mouse would be the straw that broke this camel's back? 

Not me. 

 

On "Lockdown" (Covid-19 continues)

Isn't this all so boring? I'm OK with being alone. I chose to live alone, for example, and I love it... for the most part. It's a bit annoying having no one to rely on to buy toilet paper (hey, remember when everyone panic bought toilet paper? What was that all about?) and I can't just send someone to do some errands for me. And I'm the only one who does that washing up (same as it ever was, am I right!?) but for the most part, it's fine. Except. For the past two days I can hear a wailing from somewhere outside which I think is someone singing and I can't discuss this travesty with anyone. So you are all going to hear about it. It's too quiet for my phone or laptop to pick up on their mics but I swear it's happening and that it's not just some auditory hallucination. I swear. 

So, our PM Bojo Horseman (a little Bojack joke for you there, free. No, really all of these jokes are gratis. You're welcome) has said, what? We can go out but not too far. We can see people but wear a mask and stay back. We can go to the park and sit in it. And if you can't work from home, go to work. But stay safe and stay alert. I'm always alert anyway since I was once pickpocketed on Tottenham Court Road when I worked at Sainsbury's there. 3 weeks I lasted. What a place. I was given a name badge that said 'Georgina' and I don't know if you know this but my name is not actually Georgina. The Georgina saw me wearing it, told me it was hers, and when I offered it back to her she said, "no. I don't need it. Every one has to wear a name badge and yours isn't ready. I'm just telling you it's mine." Which was a very aggressive way of telling me her name was Georgina. 

So, yeah. Pickpocketed I was. On Tottenham Court Road. That was the point of that story. So, I'm always alert. ALWAYS. Vigilant. But, what is it that we are supposed to be alert to? People coughing at you? That's disgusting at the best of times. And these are far from the best of times. You don't need me to tell you that. Is it the worst of times? Nah, probably not. These are the times of times. Because time has no meaning at the moment. Time is abstract at the best of times... I'm getting in a muddle now. Bloody lockdown. Lockish-down.

But, yeah, we can go to the park and sit down. Because people were already going to the park and having a sit down and we literally do not have enough police to stop them. So, now they  are just capitulating and saying, "oh alright then guys. But stay alert, will you?" 

Is pickpocketed a word? 

My main issue, about lockdown - not in general (in general my main issue is me), is I was already feeling rather fatigued about going outside and this really hasn't helped. I can't be bothered and now I don't need to. What'll become of me when things go back some semblance of normality? You want me to go onto the tube and arrive somewhere else? What are you? Crazy? I only have to come back again so why should I bother? Oh to get out and see stuff? I've seen some stuff. Once you've seen one stuff, you've seen 'em all. And "do" a "thing"? No, thank you. I've done some things. And once you've done one thing they expect you to do another thing and another thing and where will it end? Once you've done one thing, you've done 'em all. 

That was the same joke twice but also with a bonus joke. Like I said, all of these jokes are free. Literally no money will exchange hands. Because of coronavirus? No. Because I'm a kind and generous woman who is just giving away free jokes. That way the quality of them doesn't matter so much. 

Here's another thought (I am able to have approximately 12 thoughts on any given day): let's all just carry on staying away from people, OK? You don't know where they've been and they might actually kill you. Either by murder or disease. Do you want that? You want to be killed by a stranger on the Kilburn High Road (other roads are also available)? You are weird. I do not want to be killed by a stranger on Kilburn High Road. I want to be killed in a crime of passion or by choking on a piece of chicken. That almost happened once and that would have been a ridiculous way to die. 

This got a bit dark. Probably should have turned the light on. Remember, you paid nothing for that joke either so don't complain. Don't write to Watchdog (is that still on?) because they will not help you get your money back. 

Stay indoors. 
Don't clap on Thursdays for the NHS - just stop voting for a party that hates the NHS. You sanctimonious fartbags.
Stay alert.
Go to work. Or don't, if you can't.
Don't take public transport. Or do, if you have to. 

Don't cough on people. Ever. Covid-19 or not. It's rude and disgusting.

Don't get pickpocketed on Tottenham Court Road. Or any road. If you're alert this will probably not happen. So, stay alert twice. Stay really alert. 

On Conspiracy Theories

Look, I know it's hard to believe this but the moon is real, the Queen is not a shape-shifting reptilian, the Coronavirus isn't caused by 5G, Bill Gates doesn't want to track your every movement (our phones already do that anyway, guys), and they aren't sacrificing people at Bohemian Grove as part of Satanic rituals. And even if these things were all true we still have to get up, go to work (if you have a job, obviously), pay our bills, sleep, eat, breathe... the usual mess of life. So, what the heck difference does it make?

Let's have a quick whizz round some of these.

The Moon is FAKE! 

I read a tweet that was like, "oh if someone lays an outlandish conspiracy theory on you just tell them something more outlandish" (I'm paraphrasing) Like: Oh I don't believe in the moon landings. So you counter with, "wait, you believe there's a moon!?"
Funny tweet. Except there IS a conspiracy theory that the moon is a mere holographic projection. That the moon WAS once real but now it isn't. Or that it is actually a spaceship. Or something. For real. That's a real thing that people believe. And you thought flat-earthers were crazy.
You must read this: Hollow Moon wiki

Unsurprisingly, David Icke believes that the moon is a spacecraft.

The Queen is a Lizard!

Well, her name is Liz. Proof.

This is one of the more crazy ones which mixes together so many other conspiracies that it's hard to even know where to begin. So I won't. Instead I will quickly say that I worked at Waterstone's (book shop chain) for a number of years and for most of my time there I worked in the Pop. Psychology and Mind, Body, Spirit (MBS) sections - and health and religion but we're not here to talk about those.
Pop. Psychology was a fancy way of saying "Self-Help" and MBS was just where we put Paulo Coelho books, books about witchcraft for teen girls going through a The Craft phase, tarot reading stuff, and novelty crystal balls.
Somehow David Icke fell into one of these sections and to be perfectly honest I cannot remember which one it was. Like, his books shouldn't have been in my section. Maybe in history or something. Anyway, I wasn't responsible for deciding what went where. My story is that David Icke is very popular among young men (18-25) so whenever a young bloke would wander into my section they would ask me for David Icke books. It got so common and usual that one time I just handed a David Icke book (the latest one) to the guy approaching me with a question forming. But then I realised my mistake when he looked at me shocked and confused and stuttered, "how did you know!!???" and I had to state, confidently, that I was merely very good at my job and wasn't just profiling everyone that came near my section (oh, young teen girl with thick black eyeliner wants a book about wicca? Colour me surprised).

This lizard thing is sometimes written off as racism against Jewish people. But, for David Icke at least, it really isn't racism. He really believes in lizard people. (I may have flicked through all of his books).

The coronavirus-5G link.

Guys, I don't know what to tell you except that people are scared of change. People are scared by new technology. Why wasn't this a thing with 3 or 4G?
I remember reading about microwaves being really bad for you when I was a kid and I was worried about why we had brought a microwave oven into our homes if they were so bad. Listen, I have had a microwave oven in my life since I can remember and I am fine. And anything about me that isn't fine is really nothing to do with microwaves. It's all the psychological damage.
The fact of the matter is this: we live in a capitalist system. Capitalism does not want consumers to be dead. Dead people don't buy anything. It's not a workable model for the capitalist elite. It just isn't. I can't stress that enough. What this virus proves is that we/politics/capitalism are not stronger than nature. Any tsunami or earthquake teaches us that. 

Bill Gates wants to track us.

Guys, we are tracked. 

The world is chaotic

Conspiracy theories give people the idea that there is an order to the world. A secret cabal of bankers, Jews, lizards, Satanists, whatever are the movers and shakers who control all. And yes, there is an elite and there are powerful people who decide certain fates to befall us, e.g. the fashion industry decides what's in fashion - right, but not to the extent that these theorists think they do. 

Some (mostly boring ones - never the interesting or outlandish ones) turn out to be true. They really have practiced eugenics, they really have killed people, they really do cover shit up. I am not naive. I do not "drink the Kool-Aid" - not fun fact: it wasn't Kool-Aid in Jonestown and most people didn't willingly drink it but I'll write about cults another time.
I do think that there are people in back rooms making shady deals and planning bullshit but I do not think they are adept enough are keeping these wilder conspiracies under wraps. You know? 

One of the more interesting points about people who buy into these ideas is this: often their own lives have been beset by tragedy or are spiralling out of control. This is just like any other gang. A need for community, solidarity, friendship. Maybe we should all reach out to each other? The only problem is that most people make their minds up about a thing and never back down. Perhaps with patience and understanding...? What a wild idea.

And anyway, I think that these crazy conspiracy theories are what they want you to believe. The truth is gonna be far, far worse.