On "Lockdown" (Covid-19 continues)

Isn't this all so boring? I'm OK with being alone. I chose to live alone, for example, and I love it... for the most part. It's a bit annoying having no one to rely on to buy toilet paper (hey, remember when everyone panic bought toilet paper? What was that all about?) and I can't just send someone to do some errands for me. And I'm the only one who does that washing up (same as it ever was, am I right!?) but for the most part, it's fine. Except. For the past two days I can hear a wailing from somewhere outside which I think is someone singing and I can't discuss this travesty with anyone. So you are all going to hear about it. It's too quiet for my phone or laptop to pick up on their mics but I swear it's happening and that it's not just some auditory hallucination. I swear. 

So, our PM Bojo Horseman (a little Bojack joke for you there, free. No, really all of these jokes are gratis. You're welcome) has said, what? We can go out but not too far. We can see people but wear a mask and stay back. We can go to the park and sit in it. And if you can't work from home, go to work. But stay safe and stay alert. I'm always alert anyway since I was once pickpocketed on Tottenham Court Road when I worked at Sainsbury's there. 3 weeks I lasted. What a place. I was given a name badge that said 'Georgina' and I don't know if you know this but my name is not actually Georgina. The Georgina saw me wearing it, told me it was hers, and when I offered it back to her she said, "no. I don't need it. Every one has to wear a name badge and yours isn't ready. I'm just telling you it's mine." Which was a very aggressive way of telling me her name was Georgina. 

So, yeah. Pickpocketed I was. On Tottenham Court Road. That was the point of that story. So, I'm always alert. ALWAYS. Vigilant. But, what is it that we are supposed to be alert to? People coughing at you? That's disgusting at the best of times. And these are far from the best of times. You don't need me to tell you that. Is it the worst of times? Nah, probably not. These are the times of times. Because time has no meaning at the moment. Time is abstract at the best of times... I'm getting in a muddle now. Bloody lockdown. Lockish-down.

But, yeah, we can go to the park and sit down. Because people were already going to the park and having a sit down and we literally do not have enough police to stop them. So, now they  are just capitulating and saying, "oh alright then guys. But stay alert, will you?" 

Is pickpocketed a word? 

My main issue, about lockdown - not in general (in general my main issue is me), is I was already feeling rather fatigued about going outside and this really hasn't helped. I can't be bothered and now I don't need to. What'll become of me when things go back some semblance of normality? You want me to go onto the tube and arrive somewhere else? What are you? Crazy? I only have to come back again so why should I bother? Oh to get out and see stuff? I've seen some stuff. Once you've seen one stuff, you've seen 'em all. And "do" a "thing"? No, thank you. I've done some things. And once you've done one thing they expect you to do another thing and another thing and where will it end? Once you've done one thing, you've done 'em all. 

That was the same joke twice but also with a bonus joke. Like I said, all of these jokes are free. Literally no money will exchange hands. Because of coronavirus? No. Because I'm a kind and generous woman who is just giving away free jokes. That way the quality of them doesn't matter so much. 

Here's another thought (I am able to have approximately 12 thoughts on any given day): let's all just carry on staying away from people, OK? You don't know where they've been and they might actually kill you. Either by murder or disease. Do you want that? You want to be killed by a stranger on the Kilburn High Road (other roads are also available)? You are weird. I do not want to be killed by a stranger on Kilburn High Road. I want to be killed in a crime of passion or by choking on a piece of chicken. That almost happened once and that would have been a ridiculous way to die. 

This got a bit dark. Probably should have turned the light on. Remember, you paid nothing for that joke either so don't complain. Don't write to Watchdog (is that still on?) because they will not help you get your money back. 

Stay indoors. 
Don't clap on Thursdays for the NHS - just stop voting for a party that hates the NHS. You sanctimonious fartbags.
Stay alert.
Go to work. Or don't, if you can't.
Don't take public transport. Or do, if you have to. 

Don't cough on people. Ever. Covid-19 or not. It's rude and disgusting.

Don't get pickpocketed on Tottenham Court Road. Or any road. If you're alert this will probably not happen. So, stay alert twice. Stay really alert.